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What’s A Wallace To Do? by Chad Lowry.
FLYMF August 2005, The Seduce and Destroy Hot Lips Issue, Volume 2 Issue 8
FLYMF August 2005, The Sed
uce and Destroy Hot Lips Issue, Volume 2 Issue 8
It’s a common gripe that all Hollywood puts out anymore are
retreads, rehashes, and remakes of old, tired ideas. But why
complain when you can profit from it? Get ready to rake in the big
Summed up as: A Clockwork Orange
bucks, as we at FLYMF
show you how to rip off old movies for
some easy pitches for next summer’s big blockbuster.
The pitch: Alex and the droogs are trying to get a little look-see in
the cutthroat world of ultraviolence, but it seems that only the most
Movie: Seduce and Destroy Hot Lips
horrorshow malchicks can get a callback. So the boys savvy to the
idea of going round all devotchka-like, and they hit it big with a bit
Summed up as: Magnolia
of tolchocking on an old veck in an alley. Things go baddiwad when
a baboochka gets all dead-like in a visit to the country, however, and
The pitch: Hawkeye, Trapper John, and all the other screwballs from
in the end Alex finds himself conditioned against the old blouse and
the 4077th care for L.A. millionaires as they die in agonizing pain.
pantyhouse, but unwilling to give up his new sense of style.
Dark secrets are revealed in the midst of crazy hijinks, and the movie
comes to its stunning climax as the boys’ big ploy to expose Hot
Lips in the shower is interrupted by Jimmy Gator’s deathbed
confession that he molested a young Major Burns.
Summed up as: Chinatown
meets Harry and the Hendersons
The pitch: Private eye Jake Gittes gets a visit from a mysterious
stranger asking him to follow her husband around town, as she
Summed up as: Schindler’s List
suspects he’s having an affair. Gittes agrees and seems to find
confirmation of her fears when he pulls several long, blonde hairs
The pitch: In a bid to avoid certain death, a ragtag group of misfits
from the back of the husband’s car. A trip to the crime lab shows
challenges the SS to a game of kickball, winner-take-all. After a
that the hairs aren’t human though, leading Gittes into a series of
rough beginning, with the Gestapo eliminating half of the squad for
shocking discoveries about the nature of Mr. Henderson’s
wearing non-regulation footwear, the team rallies under the
companion, and the love child the two might have produced.
leadership of Yakov, who was the 1896 English Premier League
Most Valuable Player. The team wins its warm-up match against the
Hitler Youth, but tragedy strikes again as Yakov is shot in response
and the team’s best player, Isaac, is bought off with a beet. Without
Summed up as: E.T.
their best player and weakened by hunger, the team loses its match
against the SS 73-3, but a happy ending comes anyway when the
The pitch: A young boy is visited by an adorable alien, and the two
guards’ ensuing over-celebration allows the team and their
quickly become best friends. Unfortunately, the alien reproduces by
inserting its eggs into the nearest host’s body, where the larva hatch
by exploding out through the stomach. Soon young Eliot and the rest
Movie: Wyld Stallyns on Thorazine
of his family have been turned into breeding pods for an alien
invasion. When the hatched offspring from their bodies wipe out the
Summed up as: One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest
meets Bill and
nearest subdivision, the space marines are called in to put things
The pitch: It’s a bogus journey indeed as Bill and Ted are melvined
by their evil robot duplicates into committing themselves into a
mental institution. Inside, the duo helps the other dudes see how
wicked life can be, but soon find their heads banging against the
dickweed Nurse Ratched. After an unauthorized journey to the 15th
century to pick up babes, Bill is lobotomized at Ratched’s orders,
leaving Ted with the decidedly un-awesome obligation to smother
2005 James Seidler, Al Rights Reserved.
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Lichtblick-Newsletter Nr. 240 vom 04.03.2010::: SPENDENSEITE: www.lapkmv.de/spenden :::Liebe Leserinnen und Leser, hier wieder neues vom Lichtblick-Team:******************************************************************** (1) Tagesklinik für psychisch kranke Kinder in Stolberg eröffnet Stolberg/Aachen - Gemeinsam mit dem Bethlehem-Krankenhaus Stolberg hat das Universitätsklinikum Aachen