Women to Women MOST SUPERTWINS Magazine Volume 12 No.1
have fought chronic depression and generalized
anxiety for years, so when my new psychiatrist was very frustrating. I stopped seeing him when my babies
diagnosed PPD when my triplets were 8 months old I was were two months old.
Final y, my babies came home. I was overjoyed and
I was treated for depression during my pregnancy overwhelmed. Some days I felt energetic and ready to face the
although far less aggressively than before. I was hospitalized at new chal enges; other days (most days), I was confused, unable
28 weeks for PROM. During my 2½ week hospital stay I was to concentrate, and was ful of self-doubt and fear. At times, I
put on mag. and tcrbutaline for preterm labor, antibiotics and almost wished that the babies were stil in the hospital being
Demerol for a urinary tract infection.
cared for by professional nurses because I was too incompetent
I barely remember the day I delivered. I do remember to take care of them. I was glad I couldn't leave the house
the intern from my perinatal group being stunned that I was because I couldn't begin to deal with the outside world.
suddenly 10 centimeters dilated. I remember being on the
I stopped pumping breast milk for my trio around 3
operating table and remember my husband saying, "There’s a months postpartum. Pumping had been a huge source of
baby!" but not being able to see her." I remember not hearing anxiety for me. I didn't produce nearly enough milk for them
any of my babies cry. They were taken away so quickly. When and they were too smal to latch on. I was doing everything
I final y saw them two hours later, they were on ventilators and wrong. The other mothers at the hospital didn't seem to have
had IVs and were connected to monitors.
these problems! Logistical y; the time it took to pump had
On Day 3 postpartum I was scheduled to go home but become problematic. I was down to pumping only twice a day.
my son required surgery for NEC (abdominal perforation). So I let go of "breastfeeding" which produced a whole new
MY doctors let me stay in the hospital that night.
array of guilt feelings. I cried a lot over it.
When I final y did go home I was in a very strange
On the positive side, I was able to restart my anti-
emotional state. I felt disconnected from my body. I kept tel ing anxiety medication (Valium). I had not had any in almost a
my mother over and over how strange I felt. I needed her to hug year, after having taken it on and off for over 12 years, I needed
me. I wandered around my house. I cal ed my psychiatrist, but it now more than ever! It was such a relief to have "the edge
he couldn't see me until two days later. I tried to escape in sleep. taken off."
For the next two weeks, I couldn't function without
At four and five months postpartum, 1 stil had the
my husband's guidance. He had to tel me when to shower, dark, pervasive feeling that I was not handling the day-to-day
when we were going to the hospital, which baby to visit first, routine as wel as I should have been. The self-doubt that al
when to eat, what to eat, when to go to sleep, etc. At that time, new mothers feel seemed to be intensified in me. I felt so
I spoke briefly to my old therapist from home state. I remember emotional y weak; there were some days that I could not get
her using the term "trauma" for what I had been through.
anything done. If I saw three tasks to be done (laundry, bot le
Gradual y, I started to feel bet er. My wonderful washing, garbage, etc.) I freaked out and couldn’t do any of
husband who had been through hel himself went back to work. them. Thank God my mother was there! Then I would feel
I was able to get through a whole day with my mother for guilty and berate myself for being lazy. I began to have real
trouble leaving the house. On days when my husband and my
mother were both home, and I had a chance to run an errand,
Copyright 2001 MOST (Mothers of Supertwins), Inc. www.MOSTonline.org 631.859.1110 Women to Women MOST SUPERTWINS Magazine Volume 12 No.1
I real y had to force myself to go. Sometimes, I would have to be very dark sided where I tend to wish il on myself. I have
discussed this with my husband, and he is checking into his
At 7 months postpartum, when my medications ran insurance coverage to see if we can afford for me to go and get
out, I began seeing a new psychiatrist. I opted for a woman help. I am not part of any other support group, as it seems that
since I had a lot of female related issues. What an nobody ever discusses issues like these. We also live an hour
improvement! We worked on my anxiety and self-image as a away from any mid size town, which makes it very hard to
mother. We discovered I was literal y afraid of taking care of make appointments during the day. I don't feel as if any regular
the babies on my own. (We are stil working on this!)
doctor would understand, unless they had Multiples
At about 8 months, she used the term postpartum
depression to describe my condition, I said, “How can that
be? My babies arc 8 months old!” I thought this was a flare of
Proud mom of Chloe, Emily, & Jackie
She explained that any major depressive episode
within one year of delivery is considered PPD. Interesting! That I had recently contacted you about my severe depression, and
among other suggestions you said for me to check out the
We changed my medications a few times. It is difficult MOST members' only forums and post to it if I felt comfortable
to do that with antidepressants because the beneficial effects with this. I just wanted to let you know that I have received lots
take several weeks to manifest themselves. I had some ups and of feedback and support from the other members.
downs during this time, which I expected. We are stil fine It is so relieving to know that you are not alone, and that others
tuning my antidepressant, anti-anxiety cocktail. I should say have dealt with this same chal enge. I am in the process of
that the medication has been extremely helpful to me and it set ing up counseling for myself, and the personal support and
saddens me to think of al the moms who could benefit but are feedback that I’ve got en from several MOST volunteers has
too proud and too afraid to use it. Depression is a medical been awesome. How wonderful it has been to have a "family"
condition, just like hypertension or diabetes. Wouldn't the vast that has so much togetherness, understanding, support and love
majority of people take medication for those conditions?
for each other. None of the other multiple resources could even
My triplets are one year old. Wow, what a year! I stil
have a few "weak" days and I stil think I could be doing some
things "bet er," but I sure have come a long way with the right
treatment. I am able to get so much joy from my precious,
beautiful babies! I am ready, wil ing and able to continue
devoting my life to them. After al , they're everything to me. Mom to Alicia, Jessica & Tommy (1)
Are there any multiple mom's out there that are
suffering from severe depression after leaving their careers to
be an at home ful time mom? I have had problems with my
hormones being out of whack ever since the birth of my triplets
last year.My OB/GYN GYN is working with me on this, and it
is slowly get ing bet er. But before my triplets were conceived,
I never thought I would be able to have children, so I was very
career oriented. Then once I became pregnant, that al changed.
After their birth, I continued to work ful time at my career with
the help of a live in nanny. But after thinking about how badly
I wanted these children, I decided to quit my job and stay at
home with them. I did not want to miss another moment of their
growth. Financial y it is a struggle for us, even though we are
saving a lot of money by not having to pay a nanny. I tried to
start a home business that has failed, and I don't know why. I
have good days and bad days with depression, and I think a lot
of the problem is that we need to get out more. (We don't have
a strol er yet, and don't get out much.) I also feel like a failure
because for the first time in years, I am not contributing as far
as an income goes, and we arc struggling. So my bad days tend
Copyright 2001 MOST (Mothers of Supertwins), Inc. www.MOSTonline.org 631.859.1110
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depolarizations, decreased K+ conductance and Gastaut H, Tassinari CA, editors. Handbook of Electro-enhancement of excitatory signals such as Gluta-encephalography and Clinical Neurophysiology, part A, vol. 13. Amsterdam: Elsevier Scientific Publishing Company;mate . Serotonin plays a dual (may be synergis-tic effect) role in increasing susceptibility to Shouse MN, Staba R, Farber